Relating to others can be challenging. But what if you are frustrated with someone close to you because of their bad attitude?
You want to remove negativity from your life. However, you just can’t get past their bad attitude. You love them and you want to move the relationship to a place where you can be happy. But their bad attitude is a problem.
It might be that the relationship has gone off track and you are working to get past their bad attitude.
However, you feel frustrated because their bad attitude places a fence between both of you and you don’t know how to get past it.
Still the fundamental connection is strong and you want to know if there is a way to deal with their bad attitude without giving up on the relationship. Worse, you are worried that you might start to retaliate in kind and wonder if walking away might be a better option.
The great news is that your situation is not unique and there are ways to resolve the issue through a clear action plan.
There is no need to allow yourself to be dragged down to the point of being a pain in the neck yourself. And you do not have to end the relationship or withdraw emotionally in order to get over the problem.
So, here is a plan that works and brings harmony back into your relationship.
Your mind-set going forward is a critical factor. Don’t take past baggage into the action plan or it will fail. You have to adopt a new attitude. You have to believe that the relationship is redeemable and that you can actually be happy together.
You want a joyful, non-toxic relationship. Follow the basic rule: “Whatever you want from the relationship – give it”. Respond to their bad attitude positively. Don’t let their bad attitude cause you to model their missteps.
If you are going to get past their bad attitude, you must have an open mind. You are seeking solutions, not finding fault or placing blame.
One other thing, remember that even if you are not able to get them to change their attitude, you can choose to be happy and positive despite their bad attitude.
Raising the Issue
You have to bring up the issue for discussion – maybe – yet again. However, this time you will approach it differently.
The first key is to change the pronouns from “You” to “I”. Instead of pointing fingers and highlighting what they are doing wrong shift the focus to you.
Start by outlining how much you care (genuinely) and what you want to give to and receive from the relationship. Share some commitments that you are willing to make to get the relationship to work well.
In that context, ask what is it that they want from the relationship. Find out if there is something that you can do to help them get what they need.
Before you throw up your hands and think this is nonsense because the problem is their bad attitude not yours, wait a minute!
The objective here is to encourage deep introspection. If you show that you are willing to do it they might be willing to follow suit. Also, at the risk of upsetting you even further, sometimes we can’t see our own faults or ways in which our actions might be influencing the behaviors of others.
If you want to know how to get past their bad attitude follow the action plan without pushing back.
While raising the issue, make sure that your tone and body language sends the message that you genuinely want to improve the relationship and that you are not there to accuse and complain. Your body language can throw off the entire process of getting past their bad attitude and having it end up as yet another fight.
This time work to get to the root cause of their bad attitude and how to deal with it.
Keep your focus
Working to find out what to do to get past their bad attitude can be tricky.
This is especially true if there is a strong bond involved. People close to us can say things that hurt us to the core. You have to brace yourself to listen to hurtful sentiments without responding in kind.
You want to hear their side and if it means listening to them vent and say unkind things – that is part of process towards getting past their bad attitude.
Remember, this discussion is about getting to the root of their bad attitude and how to get past it. You might set up a session in which you can address your grievances since we want to get all the issues out on the table. However, deal with one issue at a time to avoid frustration and yet another argument.
This might be challenging but vitally important if you want to get past their bad attitude. Do whatever mental gymnastics that is needed to get you to appreciate their perspective.
Simply put, fit yourself into their shoes.
See if you can understand how they view the situation and why they respond to it in the way that they do. You do not have to agree with their actions or condone it. Right now, you just need to appreciate where they are coming from.
Control your response and your body language. Restate what you hear them to be saying in a non-judgmental tone. This might stimulate a lot of emotions in you but focus on the goal of getting past their bad attitude and simply thank them for sharing.
We always advocate: “Look out for the educable moment!” People are not always ready to learn and we need to identify when it is right to teach.
Depending on the issue causing the bad attitude, it might be best to give them time to reflect on the situation rather than pushing forward and risking another confrontation.
If you have gone through the process of the deep dive introspection and your restatement of how they are seeing the situation, giving them some space to sort things out in their minds is wise.
So, if you are working to get past their bad attitude and they respond with a request for time or space, be gracious and allow it.
Learning what to do to get past their bad attitude requires that you play fair. Be honest and avoid trying to set traps. This is not the time for “gotcha” tricks.
If you feel like you cannot control your emotions and that you are losing focus then take a time out and come back to the issue later.
It would be irresponsible to let you go without reminding you about a definitive solution to getting past their bad attitude that you would have seen on the Internet.
“How To Bless Your Marriage” uses the platform of a behavioral assessment solution that has been used by millions to go to the core of what is not working in the relationship. The package also includes a Deep Dive Questionnaire that is fun to review while producing powerful insights. In addition, you get two handbooks that provide guidelines and tips to help you enjoy a lasting relationship.